Saturday, April 13, 2013

Expect The Unexpected

March, the eighteenth. Why so particular about this date? To me, it wasn't an ordinary day, it was a day to remember,or better yet, a morning filled with unexpected things. The memory of that day is yet still clear and surreal until today as if it had been encrypted in my hippocampus. In fact, I will never want it to fade away. After 3 months of waiting, three long and dreadful months of waiting, that morning arrived with a mixture of anxiety and what do you call, a feeling of insecurity. Arrived at school auditorium, seeing all the old and known faces of the ex-schoolmates definitely lightened my mood, a simple rendezvous with the ex-classmates and chit-chat literally killed the butterflies in my stomach. But all these did not last long until my teacher sneaked up to me and told me that only 4 people from my school got 4 straight A's, which they are normally known as 4 Flats, excluding Aw Yeong (my school's top student) who received the National Top 2 student award with his fucking awesome-almost-godlike results of 5A's on the same morning at Putrajaya, KL. Knowing that only 4 of us got 4 Flats, I was totally devastated at that moment; reckoning the chance for myself to be enlisted among the 'furious four' was almost a flat line, I had no idea what to do but to expect myself to prepare for the worst.

Speaking of which, this has to be dated back to last year, when I was nominated by principal to go for NUS ASEAN scholarship. I was stressed and under pressure that every nominee had to do really well (literally every nominee in the past got 4Flats) as warned by the principal. At times, I asked myself am I capable to be one of the scholar? Am I able to safeguard my pride and dignity by not wasting the chance? and all the daunting doubts that filled my damn mind during exam period. It was then until the study week before my last paper, the Physics paper 1, I stayed back at the extra class and asked my Physics teacher, how should I do as the feeling of insecurities was affecting me badly, how can I do to cope with that? how would it be if I couldn't achieve the targets where the principal set forth. Her words were thoughtful, I could still recall what she told me on that day in a soft yet strong and convincing voice. At this point when I think back of the time when the silly thought occupied my mind was totally not-worthy, but on the plus side, it somewhat acted as a reminder to keep me striving hard. So, what happened after the lecture was that I became really relaxed and alarm-off and with a thought in my mind, if you think you can, you can. So, until the results announcement day did I discover that what mind power can really help you, a lot. I shall describe about it later on.

So, when the clock struck 12pm, we rushed to the distribution points where then we saw our names were highlighted in green. We, as in the bunch of good friends who I used to spend my time with during the form 6 life. We were assigned to proceed to the school hall, where the students with 3 and 4 A's were sorted out at there. I could still remember the look on their pale face (except waygen's --- if you know what I mean), the adrenaline-rushed movements, with fast and faster paces marching towards the hall. The heart pounded so loud that it literally covered the background noises. My friends who reached first got their result slip unfolded. 'Hey, how many A's?' 'Ancuah (how)? okay bo? (Is the result okay or not?)' and etc. Replies like 3A's 1B or 3A's 1A- were heard. After wishing them with some cliched congratulatory words, I took mine from the desk. Heartbeat counts shot up high, I opened it from the bottom right corner meticulously and peeked from the bottom to the top. I read it in my mind, 'A... A... A... and fuck, A!' I literally screamed out in joy and squatted down immediately and ran out from the side door like no-one business. 'Am I dreaming?' and 'Is this real?' were some of the questions I asked myself. I had to pinch myself as hard to make myself realize that that's it! Words can't express how joyous I was. As soon I connected with my mom, my eyes were watery, I bet how those passers-by would perceive it. I couldn't hold my tears and I kept walking from the side door to the hall entrance. Frankly, never in my life I had this mixture of feeling, that sense of accomplishment which I had never have a taste on. To be honest I have never expected myself to get that result. I was dumbfounded for minutes before I could make any judgement or decision to go back to hall or not.

I am not sure if this may sound cliche or not but that day was the day where I realized how important the mind power is in our life. All these while I was holding on to a mindset or better to call it an aspiration, for your information, it wasn't a big-ass aspiration but a really small (almost insignificant) one --- I told myself I wanted to do what my friend did during SPM results day, I wanted to scream like him and run like no-one business and then post a BIG ASS status on facebook, like what he did before and eventually I succeeded and I had the chance to do all that, what's next? To do what they did? It was a nay for me. I kind of realized myself  was no longer attached to those wanna-be and attention seeking actions which may put others down, looking at my friends' expression, I knew they were not really satisfied with their results, in fact, they deserved better grades. So, putting myself in their shoes, I wouldn't want to see my friends who got better grades than me to run like mad man around you. So, no cheers and be the normal guy I used to be, the one who would laugh really heartily to respond any lame gag and just a big, wide frin on my face. I went back into the hall and responded every congratulatory word with a sincere 'thank you'.

I was surprised and was caught off-guard, the visualization really came real. Back to the days when we were still preparing for the worst time, the 1 month before STPM, I saw an article on The Star on teaching people how to visualize their goals and eventually build up their confidence in taking exams. The content roughly revolved around the topic about 'mind power and visualization'. There the author mentioned that, we only required a simple three-steps procedure. First, take out a piece of paper (though I was too lazy to do that on the spot and just skip to the second step), then, take a pen and start to write down your ultimate goals, that's what the author called it the 'Visualization' (at that point, I set up a mindset that I want myself to score well in exam, as long as I don't fail my Maths and Pengajian Am terribly, I'd be very happy then, or better yet, hopefully to get 4Flat and secure the nomination to NUS), the third step requires you to write down what you have to do to make the visualized visualization into a realistic fact. These simple yet powerful steps really help, and all these basically were the same as what my mentor taught me. Hence, from that point onwards, I would just apply that theory in any of my endeavours. Anyway, I still have to do a disclaimer that this is purely my personal experience and I did not exaggerate on any point of these, I hope this may somewhat inform you that how a firm mindset of goals-to-reach can take you further. Of course, besides of having a firm mindset, make sure that you equip yourself well and be confident in yourself. God favours the prepared. At this point, I feel myself like a saint-wanna-be. Aww man... anyway, please bare with me and let me go on, thank you! :p

To be honest, I am thankful for what Form 6 life had given to me, thanks to it, I became more matured in thinking and to be more considerate in actions. Thanks to it, I met a bunch of ma-chi (closed friends) who in fact were so influential in my life that totally changed my perceptions. Even for the essay for the Singapore Scholarships and NTU scholarships which they wanted essay with titles like 'Something that changed your life' or 'A significant event that has influenced you much', just to name few, I'd write essays orienting my form 6 life. I still remember the status I posted on my facebook a day before STPM, it's roughly like saying that the next day will be the judgement day and no matter how my result will turn out to be, I will still have no regrets for taking up form 6. At this point when I am writing this, okay, I am cool to say that statement wasn't backfired, but if I never get 4 flats, will I be thinking it the same way as well? I will never know. Like what I said earlier, I have never expected myself to score pass my classmates, that result was indeed an unexpected gift from the faith I held on to. Everything was just unexpectedly incredible. Expectations may be a stepping stone or forward thrust but sometimes, it may have a negative effect as well -- the disappointments when you do not reach the expectations. 

So on the next day, I was featured on the newspaper for the very first time. Friends congratulated you and tossed you up high for photoshoot, the feeling was superb. It reached a height where we human can rarely reach, mentally, a latitude where you can see yourself shine so brightly that it outshines your competitors and peek at the bright end. The moment was really a make-your-mama-proud moment. My parents were on cloud nine, the pride is theirs. Their mental and physical supports were the things that kept me moving forward. And you know, in Chinese family, it's always hard to open your mouth to utter the simple yet powerful three-words phrases, the 'I love you'. How many of you would actually go up to them and hug them and say it loudly to them? Honestly, I have never done that before. In fact, I'd show them 'I love you' in actions instead of saying in front of them, but this doesn't mean that I wouldn't do that straight. Through actions and cares, that's the method I will deliver my 'I love you' to them. Anyway, that's just me, please do yourselves a good son or daughter and make them proud, most importantly, not to make them go mad over your actions. Lastly, the 'I love you' phrases are no cliche that you can slip it off your mouth anytime you want, it's a promise for your loved ones that you will cherish them forever. I'm sorry for my selfishness and inappropriate actions that might have hurt you.. even though you two wouldn't see this post but I still wish to say, I love you, mama, papa. :)

This post is titled 'Expect The Unexpected' for a reason, our life is changing so fast that none of us has the idea of what will be happening in the next hours or minutes or even the next seconds. Like what it happened to me a week ago, where my sister fainted before my eyes. In a split second, she could be gone, forever. No matter how rebellious and misbehaving she was, I am still afraid to lose her. I felt so bad to see my parents sobbing while holding my sis who was in an unconscious state while waiting for the ambulance to come. Sister, please don't scare me and papa and mama anymore. We love you.

And just when I just started writing this post, I was amazed by the latest video which Ryan Higa made. A short featuring himself narrating about the changes in his life since he was young. He did not expect that he will end up in this way. So, let's just say this again, expect the unexpected. At the same time, I also asked a friend of mine about how did he perceive me, ever since the very beginning and until now. Initially, I just popped that question out of random and never knew it somewhat told me that, I needed a change.Thanks, 'L', I'd rather put his initial and to confirm his anonymity, for your comments on me, I appreciate that. No, I wouldn't share the conversation here. :)

If, I say if, you ever read or followed my blog ever since the very beginning, what would you think of? From a blog with broken-broken English (form 3) and low quality phone pics, then transformed into a photo-blog (with slightly higher quality and readable) to now, merely words and opinions... I don't know. But at this time, I just feel like writing, even I don't have much bombastic vocabularies in my mind nor big and revolutionizing ideas or thoughts. Life changes us.

Anyway, I am signing off at this point, hope to see you soon and hopefully by then, I'd spark off some good topics or gain some new personal experiences to share about. See ya and goodnight. Thank you for staying with me till the end of this post, I appreciate that. :3

P/s: It is always good to learn up first aid and CPR skills. :)